Essay 14: Reason

Essay 14: Reason

A father and son are in a room; the room being the son’s room, and it is a mess. The stuffed animals are strewn about on the floor, wrappers are lying on random surfaces, and controllers and figurines lie in front of the TV. The boy’s desk had many pencils on them: some colored, some mechanical, etc. Scraps from the pencils that were sharpened mostly made it into the trash can but an amount that could hardly be called insignificant missed and now lie on the floor. Notebooks were still open on that desk, and next to them sheets of printer paper; some were drawn on, others were not even used yet. You could tell the son liked basketball. Not because there was a hoop in the room or any merchandise, but because crumpled balls of paper and laundry lay around the trash can laundry basket. No one ever said you had to be good at something to like it. There were other weird things too: the alarm clock was facing in a direction that had the screen pointed away from the bed; the posters on the boy’s wall were outdated, having nothing to do with his current interests; his bed was messed up to the point that some of the sheets were reaching under the bed; and the shelf between the bed and wall was filled with items the boy likely haven’t used in a year. In the father’s eyes, this room was messy.

Of course, the boy knew it was too, but he really did not see the problem. It was too much effort to clean every day. Someone will make him clean eventually, and it would be far more efficient to handle it all at once. In the meantime, it is not like it bothered him. Why would it? When he is playing video games, he just needs an unobstructed view to the TV, and the controllers are already where he normally plays with them. He’ll just cover himself with the blanket when he gets on the bed. The floor being cluttered definitely didn’t matter; it’s not like he was running around on it, same with the desk. The boy felt like he knew how this would go, his dad would scream at him to get everything cleaned because he wants his house to look aesthetically pleasing, and then he’ll just get on with his life. He’s never known his dad to be predictable, though, and this day did not betray his expectations. 

“Let’s handle one thing at a time,” the dad began, “what is the purpose of the controllers on the floor?”

“Huh?” the son responded.

“The ones for your Switch, what is the purpose of them?”

“They are to play games on the Switch… is this a trick question?”

“And the figures, what is their purpose?”

“They are Skylanders. Do you see that portal over there? When I put the Skylanders on it, I can play them in the game.”

“So you’d be using the controllers at the same time as the Skylanders?”

“Well, I play Skylanders with the controllers, but there are other games too. It’s not like I need the Skylanders to play Super Smash Bros.”

“So when you play Super Smash Bros and you’re jumping around and screaming, where are the Skylanders?”

“I mean… there. It’s not like I’ve moved them in a while.”

“So you get distracted while playing Smash Bros trying to make sure you and your friends don’t step on the Skylanders? And didn’t your foot start bleeding because you stepped on one while playing a game?”

“Well, yeah, I guess that does happen.”

“Come on, you should have some fun while playing. You work hard at school, you deserve the time to properly enjoy some games. If the Skylanders were off the floor, you could jump around all you wanted with your friends without worrying about hitting them. I remember you mentioning you were entering a Super Smash Bros online tournament next week, I’m telling you if you had the floor empty, you could get in the zone and become twenty times better.”

The boy began smiling and started walking to gather the Skylanders.

“Wait a second, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“What the? Did you want me to clean or not?”

“It’s not about what I want, it’s about what you want. Think for a second, given everything you just said, how could you organize the Skylanders to make future you have the best experience using them?”

“Hmmmm… there is that cubby on the bottom right of that little shelf under the TV. I could take all the stuff out and put the Skylanders in with the portal on top.”

“Now that’s more like it!”

“But…”

“Hmm?”

“There are stuff in the cubby right now, I’d need to organize all of that if I did that.”

“What’s in there?”

“I…” the son actually started thinking. He honestly couldn’t remember what was in there. So he just wordlessly opened the cubby. “Old assignments, used batteries, a fidget spinner, a receipt. Why is there a receipt in here?”

“What is the purpose of the things you mentioned?”

“Huh? I don’t care about them. What, do you want me to list the purpose for each item?”

“No, you got it, you don’t care. Just throw them out.”

“I mean… really?”

“Yeah, of course, it’s your room, everything here should serve a purpose,” the father began. “That purpose is to make you happy in whatever way it can, and it should be put in the place that allows you to enjoy it in its time and other things in their time. Organizing your room is really just thinking about what everything you have means to you, and putting them in the place that allows you to have the most fun with it.”

“I’ll clean everything, but quick question. Why would I put everything back as I use it? Wouldn’t it be more efficient to just clean everything at once, like I’m doing now?”

“Imagine you were eating a bag of popcorn in your room. Ignoring the smell caused by leaving things out and looking at it from a pure efficiency standpoint, when is it easier to clean? When the bag is already near your hand and you’re already next to the trash can, or when you’re on the other side of the room and the popcorn bag is lying on the couch?”

“Huh.”

“And the smell… let me give you a life lesson. Your room can never be less of a mess than your mind. Keeping a room clean is about taking the time to be intentional with how you use something, properly separating activities from one another, and putting everything where it belongs. Trust me, if you’re not doing it with your room, you are not doing it with your mind. What happens when you leave a bunch of garbage out for a long time?”

“It gets disgusting.”

“Yeah, exactly. Putting everything in its right place ensures a lot less garbage accumulates, making everything smell a lot better. You can spray some air freshener to make everything smell better artificially, but the air quality still gets worse and worse, and eventually you still have to confront the moldy pile of trash eventually, and you don’t know how many people you scare off before then.” At this point, the dad stopped smiling or explaining what he meant by things, even the son could tell he was venting. “The longer you wait to start cleaning, the bigger the mess gets, and the harder the task becomes to start. And you shouldn’t take for granted that I am here and can get you to start cleaning. Trust me, as long as I am here I won’t let you give up on yourself, but I won’t always be here, and life is hard enough without the anxiety of a messy room. Literally or spiritually.”

“...”

“Everything in its right place, wisdom is just finding what everything’s place is.”

They ended up making a day of organizing that room. Well… organizing is putting it mildly. Not only was everything meticulously placed where it belonged but they realized the room itself needed readjustment. The shelf was useless so they got rid of it, and moved the bed closer to the side to make room to move in front of the TV. They removed the posters since he didn’t really care for them, but in taking a closer look at the wall, the paint got messed up. They ended up going to the store to get paint in a color that he liked more, and they repainted everything that day.

That night, they were having some family friends and extended family over for dinner. They were a Jewish family, so every Friday evening was spent like this at someone’s house. All the adults were helping out in the kitchen, and the table was not set just yet.

“Go set the table!” the dad began.

“Sure!” the son called back. Of course, not being immediate about it since he was playing an online game, and he never got how parents just expected them to break the laws of physics to pause the game. “Alright, I’m here, for how many people?”

“Twenty-three. And also, as you set the table, go through the exercise we did earlier.”

“The only exercise I saw was you guys gutting the room for a couple of hours?” The mom jokingly interjected.

“This time, though, do it in reverse. As you put down the tablecloth, silverware, napkins, and everything else, ask yourself why you put them there. Think of why its place is what it is. Think about how people will use the items.”

And with that, he left. He put the tablecloth and plates on, as that really didn’t take much thought, but as he put the napkins he began to think. The napkin is folded next to the plate on the right side, why is that? It being on the right is probably because most people are right-handed. Of course, not everyone is right-handed, but almost everyone is and everyone having the same arrangement looks nice. Imagine having a few with the napkin on the left side, that would feel excluding not including. There is a unity in the napkin being in the same spot. This begs the question: Why are we even putting napkins down next to the plate? Of course, it makes sense that we have napkins at all, we need to clean and all, but why does everyone have their own in that location? Why not in a pile in the middle? Or why not between the plate and the seat? If someone spilled something or they want to clean their mouth, everything moves far more smoothly if they have their own. If more is needed, it is likely faster and easier to have more people available to give a napkin. Having it next to the plate instead of in front of the plate saves space. The table is already covered in food, moving the plate up would reduce the area of the table, not to mention eating on a plate that far out is so messy.

And on and on. He continued to think of the silverware and decoration before reaching a new question. Why am I setting this table at all? Because if I didn’t now, it would inconvenience everyone later to have to take out chairs and organize everything. In a sense, I am setting up the table now in order to have a greater experience in the moment for dinner. So why do we invite people over for dinner? Beyond the religious, why do we make this a ritual? Because there are people we as a family love. People who have been a force for good in our lives, who are loyal, who support us, and who are endlessly fun to be around. We love them, and this is the main time we have to see them, so we set the table in the way we do so everyone has the best time they can possibly have and to show that we appreciate them in our life! We organize the table because we love them and want them to have the best experience possible.

When he turned 18 the son became eligible to vote. He got registered, but come his first election, he didn’t want to participate. In fact, more broadly, he didn’t want to speak of politics with anyone. He has said time and time again that it creates messes and is not worth doing. One night, around the table, the people around him were discussing the coming election, and his dad prompted him to give his thoughts.

“I honestly don’t want anything to do with it. Politics is such a nasty thing, both sides have so much wrong with them, and inevitably, I’d have to defend a side that I don’t like. I really want nothing to do with it.” 

“Alright, you know the exercise, let’s think through this, what is the place for politics?”

“I just told you, there is none. How any morally upstanding person can be politically active, I have no idea. It’s a den of snakes in there.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“Power probably. People want attention. Psychopaths leverage hot-button issues for their own sake and sustain good-for-nothing careers, getting everyone to think the other side is the end of the world. They spend hundreds of hours building seemingly sound opinions on something most good people spend little time thinking about, so that they can gain support as some kind of thought leader. The people who want the power and status the most will obviously be the ones to put the time in to win, but they should not be the people leading us.”

“So you’re saying that since it is the narcissists who constantly plan their points that win the debates, it is not worth having. And as a result, as someone outside of the conversation, your opinion won’t really matter as only the major opinions result in any difference nationally?”

“Yeah, that’s a fair way to put it.”

“Then you’re leaving the fate of your country in the hands of the narcissists and psychopaths?”

“...I mean… fuck… but what other choice do I have?”

“Engage in it yourself. Of course, it should not be your focus in life, far from it, but in moments like this, around the table, it is worth at least having the conversation, and absolutely vote. If you feel the sensible shouldn’t speak, then the psychopaths will get the air, and the choices we get on election day will be the choice between two psychopaths.”

“Are you saying I should run for office?”

“Look, if you do, I know we’d be in good hands, but for now, at least say what you think. Trust me, people are more receptive to good faith arguments than you think. So think it through, understand what’s valuable to you, and make your point eloquently. Don’t do it because you want the attention, though, do it out of fear for the world where the psychopaths speak, and the sensible stay quiet.”

“How do I know my opinions are sensible? To other people, I may seem like the psychopath.”

“Obviously your opinions are not sensible ones, but you can be a sensible person. If you can look at a contradiction in your own point and concede that you made a mistake, you are sensible. If you listen and respond to the point of the person you are speaking to in good faith, you are sensible. If you are happier when you are wrong than when you are right, you are sensible. If you have the backbone to make a well-reasoned, contentious argument and hold your ground to the backlash, you are sensible. Don’t hold your opinions in high regard, they are all wrong. What’s important is your character and eagerness to learn. Those are the reasons why people will listen to you.”

“Yeah, you know what, I agree, but that doesn’t really answer your own question, what is the place for politics?”

“I can’t tell you that, it’s not about what I want, it’s what you want. Everything has a place, and since the fate of your community rests on your willingness to tell the truth, I’d say it should have a place at least. Think about what you want your life to be, make that choice for yourself, but be open to the advice of others.”

As he grew up, he realized that there were many things he wanted to become so he needed to learn to prioritize and set times aside for things. His health needed time at the gym and the grocery store. His book required time, too. A clean room needed some time no matter how diligent he was about putting things back, and his girlfriend needed some too. He doesn’t really grow tired of these time commitments, though, because he regularly reminds himself of one simple truth. Everything in his calendar found its way there because he loves it. Reason and love are not antitheses, reason exists to maximize love. 

In the heat of the moment, there will be times we don’t feel like acting upon the commitments we made to ourselves, no matter how much we love them. Reason, first and foremost, requires knowing thyself, because in knowing how you react to certain commitments, you can push through not feeling like executing.

What do I mean by this? Imagine you want to see whether it is worth going to the gym six days a week for 40 minutes a session. The only time you can do it during the work week is before work, meaning you’ll have to push your 7:00 AM wake-up back to 6:00 AM to make it happen. If you also commit to keeping your sleep at 7+ hours, you will need to plan to get to bed at 10:30 PM to have any hope of it. How will your need for connection be affected when your current pattern of seeing friends and family gets disrupted by your insistence on going to bed an hour earlier? How will your need of uncertainty be affected by less time to go out or enjoy great works of fiction? How will certainty be affected by all the changes this one commitment brings along with it? There are many positives too, especially in the long run, so you may still decide to go through with it. And in knowing how you will be affected negatively by your commitment to the gym, you can push through greater emotional trials as you commit. Why? Because you can form more informed expectations, and know when it’s your emotions talking, or your love talking.

Let me give an example to highlight this. Imagine you owned two stocks and earning reports for the two companies just came out. The first company announced a 2% profit gain relative to last year, while the second company announced a 20% profit gain relative to last year. Would this announcement lead you to sell the first company’s stock in order to buy more of the second’s? If so, you lack an understanding of what a stock is. Sudden variations in stock prices aren’t based on figures at face value, but on figures relative to expectations. If the first company was expected to experience a 5% decline in profits prior to the announcement, while the second company was expecting a 40% increase in profits prior to the announcement, then you just lost yourself a lot of money. Commitments are the same way.

If you committed to the gym despite expecting the negative emotion in the short term that comes from the aforementioned need deprivations, then you did so because you believed the overall benefits still made it worthwhile. Those negative emotions will come up as you expected, but that does not mean you made the wrong choice, just that your commitment requires pushing through your feelings. Your commitment is only worth abandoning if the consequences are far worse than you expected. The opposite could also be true, if you decided to make a choice that was less traditionally “responsible” under the assumption that it would be insanely fun but it ended up far more hollow than you anticipated, there will be parts of you that want to continue, but you should abide by your expectations. You expected 40%, 20% is a nightmare scenario.

If I had to describe reason in one sentence, it is to find where everything belongs. All things have attributes, and as such, they are intelligible. That intelligibility gives them purpose as far as you’re concerned, and finding out how they fit into your life is why we have the blessing of reason. Reason, first and foremost, should be used to maximize your capacity to love, and knowing yourself is a precondition to doing that with any serious effectiveness. It is through this that we can organize our lives, and by filling our days with time slots of things we love, we can approach life with a level of meaning that was unimaginable prior.

That is all, see you all sometime by June 19 for Essay 15: Faith!